I know the truth now

Lol! Life is so crazy. Am still chatting with Richmond and Judy on msn! It's like 2 in the morning. Judy and I were crazy over addictions of foods. It has been such as long time since I last talked to her. Imagine, back when we were both in secondary school (Both from different school) we used to text every single day. We had so much to share, unlimitted topic. How I miss those old times, but now, we had to go our seperate ways, so we talked less, but nevertheless, our friendship remained strong!

As for Richmond. He is so full of crap. Kept insisting on talking to me even though he is so, so, so sleepy. Rubbish right? And guess what, he is wide awake now! Omg! Is just so funny, the trash and things we shared. I miss you so much! I know you missed me too ^^ I know my dear, I know! Bahahahahah!

P/S: Omg! I seriously miss you both so much!

Yah! I reopened it. I want to go on a holiday! And Esther~~ I want Shisha!
Dying to have one. Bahhh!!!!!

Been watching Ugly Betty Season 4. To kill time and for distraction.
Been talking on the phone every night for 3 consecutive days.
My ear hurts now.
Been sleeping for 2 consecutive days and wake up just for lunch and dinner.

However, I'm loving every minute of it ^^

I'm patient, very patient in fact.
But I'm starting to have doubts.
Would this be the end of our friendship?
I hope not. I really hope we can still fool around as before.
I hope~

Finally I went to the doctor!
My voice is getting back on track!

I don't know what to do now.
Who can guide me and assist me?
I'm lost, I've no where to go;
No one to turn to;
I seriously have no idea what I should do.
Why must things be that complicated?
I'm seriously lost.
Happiness never last.
But I shall accept whatever you want.

*Unfair, it may seem, but that's life, and I accept it wholeheartedly*

Hi people, sorry about the emo post this morning;
Was frigging emo, I haven't turned emo YET!
Therefore decided to post something happy happy one hahahaha!
I just came back!
Went and watch avatar. Though it wasn't as fantastic as I've expected it to be;
But anyhow enjoy the company.
Had a little bit of commotion after the movie;
Hope you are feeling alright.

Finally AVATAR is out of my list! Weeeeeee~~~~

I'm a failure in every aspect;
Friendship is something I valued most beyond anything;
But somehow I'm still a failure here;
Thought at least I will be missed by at least one or two;
I guess not, it was something I've placed my hopes up high for nuts;
Somehow I tend to get more and more disappointed;
Was never anyone's first choice;
I even considered giving up at times;
I guess it is never the way it seems to be;
I was just being foolish and naive;
For trusting more than I should;
For believing more than I should;
For going beyond the boundaries for you;
For putting so much hope on you;
Guess I was never included in your life;
In fact, I know so, I was never included.

Love life;
It never goes right anyway;
Is either I end up hurting someone;
Or either others hurting me;
Is either this or that;
And probably I've cause pain to innocent people;
Unnecessary arguments;
Truly am sorry.

In terms of study;
I screw every possible subjects I could;
I've never excel;
I never performed well;
Is either a just pass or a fail.

Being a sister;
I'm a lousy one;
In fact I get annoyed even if you just took one step into my room;
I know I don't listen to your problems most of the time;
I know I treat you like dirt.

Being a daughter;
I tend to do stuff that you don't like;
I go against everything;
You asked me to do a thing;
I do the opposite.

I'm feeling a tad sad right now, is like everything is my fault, I wish I could express my feelings in a better way, I have more to express, but somehow I couldn't find the right words to do it all, all these feelings are dying to be unleashed from my heart. I pissed people, I don't know why would I do that. I hope someone can kiss all these pain away, all the unhappiness, I wish I could bring joy to everyone, and I guess I'm a failure in this aspect too.

*off to school*

Guess how I spent my Christmas Day? Spent it with my 3 brothers and bear. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would. Hahahaha! Okay so here goes my day of the 25th. Been awoken by bear's message asked whether I got plans or not for the Christmas. So after discussions and all, we have decided on Utama. Pity bear, took him more than half an hour for parking. After meeting up with him, the both of us went lining up for ticket in TGV as GSC was packed full, and the line in TGV wasn't as bad as GSC. Ended up purchasing the ticket for Sherlock Holmes; sorry zack :(

Zack was right, the pop corn in TGV is better than GSC hahaaha! Sorry I was kinda distracting while in the hall due to the coughing of mine =x After Sherlock Holmes, we sneaked into hall3 whereby it was airing The Storm Warriors 2; it just only started, but I was in desperate need to freaking pee, so I went out of TGV to the shopping complex's toilet and went back in sucessfully. Hahahaha! So we had our second movie for free, not nice one the storm warriors. Sigh! But, who am I to complain? ITS FREE! Bwahahaha!

After the movie, it was approximately 8 plus nearly 9. Went over to ss2 to have dinner. After dinner went back to my place to drop me off and chatted till approximately 1 plus. Then took the car and drive around my area; so fun! ahhahaha! It has been a long time since I drove. That's the end of my Christmas.

I couldn't even distract my thought of what you are doing to me now. I managed to distract myself for a short while and back it comes. Why are you doing this to me? Probably you think is the best way but I can confidently tell you it is frigging not! Stop this attitude of yours please, it is hurting more than you think or was it only you that you can think of? No one else's feelings but yours? I seriously wish there is something that I could do, but what more can be done? Especially when night falls, I couldn't sleep and I'm dead tired; I'm exhausted. Can you quit this and back to where we have started? Our starting point.

Un-break my heart;
Undo this hurt that you cause;
Uncry these tears that I cry so many,
Many nights.
Take back your sad words of good-bye.

It's an eve. To some, it might mean something to look forward to, however to some it might not be. Christmas eve, whereby some would definitely hope to spend time with this best friends, second half or someone close by them. As for some, Christmas eve meant an event having to be alone while standing by the road side with a rather miserable heart looking at others enjoying themselves while you couldn't. Not that you do not want to, you somehow just couldn't.

This year's eve, to me, is a miserable one. A sad one. Whereby am close to tears but kept holding it back. I just wish things need not be that way and it need not seemed that way. Some might have this perception that Christmas is a day whereby their wishes come true? At least, not mine. Does your method actually is working for you? It does not to me. In fact it is killing me. As the day passes, I felt as if I'm turning insane. Ignoring works? Phone calls being ignored, messages being taken for granted. Patricia might be right, is your easiest way out. Perhaps she is right, you're being selfish having to only think about yourself. Some might say, give you a call, this is something that I've tried, but once again, being ignored. Know I've lost my voice and insisted on calling you just to talk things over, find a solution to our problem and deal with them, somehow or other, being ignored too. I don't want to make assumptions based on what people tell me, what people say, neither do I want to give up. I don't know what more can be done. I tried minimizing contact as your wish, and another part of the reason is not be some idiotic annoying brat. But do you know, it hurts alright? Guess you won't know. Is either that, or you just don't care. Your actions really is killing my self esteem. Why choose to ignore instead of dealing with the problem? Why must you be that cruel and mean? Now I am seriously starting to agree with Patricia. Perhaps it is really your easiest way out, you do not care what am I feeling, neither do you care what I have been going through. I don't know what more can I say. All I can say is, it is really depressing and miserable.



As requested by Bear,
As bear so wanted me to write something about him, so here it is.

Thanks for being my listener;
Thanks for allowing me to throw my temper and tantrums at you;
Thanks for being my punching bag;
Thanks for all the lame jokes of yours;
Thanks for escorting me to your car just to get my phone, though you said you worry I got kidnap or robbed or whatsoever, but I doubt it, you are just worried I would drive your car away;
Thanks for ffk me and putting the blame on me, it is just so funny;
Thanks for being a kid by playing "catch";
Thanks for saying that you would accompany to places even though you didnt do so;
Thanks for allowing me to ffk you;
Thanks for your annoyances, it distracts me;
Thanks for being such a friend and I truly appreciate it.
Thanks much.

I just came back from the airport. Dropped relatives at the LCCT. Finally I get back my room. But it was hell dirty which are the cause of those kids. Arghhh!


16th December 2009
The arrival of my relatives from Sibu and Miri of Sarawak. Went to LCCT to pick them with 2 cars. Reached home nearly 1 in the morning due to the delay of stupid Air Asia, as always. But hell,after all the unpacking and catching up, it was nearly 3 in the morning. They went to bed and I was left in the living room. Thought I would have gotten better peace sleeping there, but hell no. Those kids noise was unbearable.


17th December 2009
Didn't manage to get any sleep, get ready around 6 plus to get to school. So yeah. Oh well,I couldn't remember the rest. Meaning to say I don't remember what I've done. Hahahaha! So done for this day.


18th December 2009
Approximately 6 plus was awoken by the stupid dog of mine's bark. Then 7 plus, once again, being awaken by relatives talking. They actually wake up so early. OMG! So 9 plus, brought them over to one utama to shop and stuff. Wanted to have lunch with Zack, but he was so busy. T.T Actually kept myself free for the evening and night, canceled plans of the whole 18th and 19th hoping to actually get to see Shane who is coming down from Penang, but didn't manage to do so on the 18th.

* To Zack, I bought New Moon! Hahahaha! Jealous? Jealous? xD


19th December 2009
Went and catch the train to Bangsar around 9 plus in the morning. Went to Midvalley to meet up with Shane and 2 of his other friends by which I've already forgotten their names. Sorry much. Didn't get to hang out with Shane for long, lets say approximately 3 hours only? Yah kinda sad thought. After that Shane drop me home before heading to Summit to meet up with his sister. Wished I was out with him longer, but oh well, guess I couldn't. Since I had the rest of the day free, night I actually tagged along to GIANT supermarket in Kota Damansara. Omg it was so boring. Pushing the stupid trolly and stonning while adults went searching for foods. But I guess it was better than staying at home with those kids being so noisy.

*MissesYouMuch*


20th December 2009
Woke up super duper early just to go to Genting. However, anyhow don't know who dragged dragged dragged till approximately 9 only we left the house. 6 of us went to Genting by bus while the rest went up by my father's car. Reached Genting, I brought the few of us to old town to have lunch. Yes, it was lunch time. And I don't really remember what we did in Genting, BUT, I went into the casino. Wahahahahahahahaha! Played slot machines. Lost some cash, oh well, first time anyway. :) Did not dare to play the ones that has tables in case they suddenly check my IC. The main casino was super big, I got lost inside =.=

Night, Went over to cousin's to get away from the noises at home. So noisy with all the screaming and the noise from the PS1 games.

* To Zack, I borrowed cousin's 2-in-1 book. "Devil Wears Prada" and "Everyone Worth Knowing". Don't have the third one leh.


21st December 2009
Went to school, for approximately 1 hour of class (the tutor let us off early). I rushed home to send relatives off to the airport. Came home, clean my room abit and here am I. Blogging. My youngest cousin is just so annoying yet CUTE :) With his adorable smile as he has 2 dimples he just somehow manage to soften you when he was into mischief. What a way to avoid being scolded. Hahaha!There was this really funny incident whereby bear bear webcamed with him. Initially, he was so happy saying "who is that kor kor? Why is he not talking? Blah blah blah, then suddenly, he backed off and ask me take the computer away then I asked why, he quickly ran crying to his mother. Hahahahahaha! And I'm glad that finally I can get away with all those unknown dialect to me which I understand none of it, worse of all, it's super loud which is their culture. So, I can't complain. :(

My throat is killing me. It has been a week having this sore throat. McDs, Prawn Mee, Burger King, Nasi Lemaks, etc, etc... Throat gonna die soon. Don't be surprise if suddenly I have no voice :)

*Sorry for not replying to those who were looking for me on msn for my help on your things, by the time I read your messages, it was 2 or 3 in the morning, was being preoccupied with stuffs. Am sorry. Hope you all understand.

**Next, looking forward to Di Di Chong's arrival from Miri :)

Alright, I don't know why am I blogging again. I'm just freaking bored. Let's talk about today.

I just got to know that my brother actually is attending his school's prom night. Omg! He of all people, I did not expect so. Bwahahhaha! Damn cool, his prom would be conducting in Sheraton Imperial Hotel. Goodness, 5 star hotel. Okay, I'm being random again.

Today's presentation was a total crap. Alright, I know I can speak fluently but I somehow didn't make full use of my ability while presenting. Is so full of crap. Semester after semester, I felt as if my presentation is getting worse. Somehow it is just so depressing you know. Instead of improving, I'm getting worse.

After class, went have lunch with wei wei, bear, eric, hien, waihong and sk. After that went Wangsa Walk. We lingered there till approximately 4 before heading to different direction. Wei wei painted my nails black. Bwahahaha! I have black nails now. xD

Tired Much;
Nights World!

More about Friday?
As stated in the previous post, went to Utama with Eric and April. Sang for exactly 2 hours before heading to the old wing to have lunch with Zack. We had spaghetti. After lunch, Zack and I went to MPH first, I couldn't find the vampire diaries book then. While Zack went to work, I rejoined April and Eric. And I found it! I want I want I want!!! Back home, I had spaghetti for dinner again. Wahahahahaha!I think I had spaghetti 3 times this week, including the time in Feeling Cafe.

The Saturday.
Am suppose to be at Wangsa or Sri Rampai or GK or whatever place to get our MR assignment done. BUT, cause tuck sen couldn't decide on one place, I got a little pissed so I didn't go to either place to get it done.
Night?
Went to Utama again!

Today.
Bored as usual, trying to get MR done. But of course, not done. I'm so BORED!`

Tomorrow.
English Long Report presentation.

16th December 2009
Relatives from Sarawak would be coming over.

23rd December 2009
Chong Di Di coming to KL from Miri! Looking forward to it.

24th December 2009
Christmas Party at cousin's.

Current Status : Busy

At times, I wonder, why human can be such a jackass. People is going to hate me for writing this. You may call me a bitch or whatever things you want to call, I really couldn't care less. Some people's mindset are just so ridiculous. In addition to that, to make matter worse, they are so god damn narrow minded. In their world, there is only one possibility and not another. There is only one view, and no other options. They just love assuming stuff that they know nothing of. Assuming it is only this and never that. With their narrow minded way of thinking, is only making life miserable. In short, they don't know how to think outside the box.

And I don't see why I should explain myself to you. I don't owe you people any explanations. I don't have to convince anyone. I repeat, I DON'T OWE you people anything. Don't tell me what to do. Don't tell me how my life should be. Don't tell me how screwed up my life is or lifeless or this sort of related stuff. Cause you guys know nothing. So don't tell me what to do nor tell me how it should be. Cause you people practically know no shits. What's more? Don't tell me you're smarter, cause I don't care, find somebody that does okay? Don't be such a busybody poking into every business of mine. Cause is not your bloody business, go find something else to do. Can't you people find other things to do then making assumptions and bloody gossip stuff that you have no idea about, not to mention not knowing the fact or what is actually going on? And stop being so bloody 2-face can? Is so annoying and pathetic. Don't like? Tell me straight to my face. Being a coward? Go rot in hell then.

This week?
I don't feel like going home,
Just felt like staying outside till the night falls.
So basically, and obviously,
I don't remember what I've done.

Yesterday?
After class, went feeling with;
Bear, waihong, sk, eric, hien,
I think that is all,
The few of us went to feeling and have a drink.

Today?
After class, went to some dessert shop to have lunch;
With?
Wei wei, sk, eric, kent, april, xiao zhi, rachel.
After that?
Board the train to get home.

Tomorrow?
Going to utama with April and maybe Eric.
For?
Fun. To sing duh!

Saturday?
Going to Wangsa to get MR assignment done.
With?
Tuck Sen.

Asshole? Who?
Guess...
For me to know;
For you to think.

Lacking?
Sleep.
Desperate?
Sleep.
Craving?
Sleep.
Wants?
SLEEP~~~!!!

Tired Much.
Have a nice day.

I know it is weird, it has been feeling really weird. The same message being passed on to others. The same one within the 24 hours.

From the 27th of September 2009, and it ends today.

What more can be done?

It is not 12 yet, so I'm not late in posting this "Happy Birthday Esther Leong Ai-Mon". I'm so not late. Yah, that's all. I know you had a great birthday. ~End of Story~

Had 2 presentations yesterday, IM and CB. If I'm not mistaken, 2 more presentations to go and 1 more assignment to be done before finals, after that is the end of another semester. Time passes really fast with a blink of an eye. I want to sit back and relax without having to stress over workloads and school-related stuff. More of these would cause my brain to have a major system breakdown.

I hate ffk-ers. So many people ffk-ed me this week. It is such a turn-off. I hate life. And GOSH! I have to redo my BEC cause according to him it is wrong and I got those from the net! Dammit! I hate life. Life suck~ I know, it's damn random, thanks.